


The Boss: Lost, but Found

by grey853



Series: The Boss [8]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, Talk of Suicide, explicit sex and language, extreme depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 21:32:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/grey853
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is part of the "The Boss" universe when Mulder and Skinner have been lovers since right after "Zero Sum". This story occurs after the "Redux II" hallway scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boss: Lost, but Found

30 Dec 1997 

The Boss: Lost, but Found by Grey 

Warning: This is drama/romance between two men. If you can't handle that particular style, go now and read no further. If you decide to stay to satisfy some perverse curiosity, don't blame me for any adverse reactions. However, should you become enlightened, thanks and appropriate praise are always appreciated. 

Disclaimer: These guys belong to Fox and Chris Carter, but I'm borrowing them for my own vicarious thrills. 

Summary: This is part of the "The Boss" universe when Mulder and Skinner have been lovers since right after "Zero Sum". This story occurs after the "Redux II" hallway scene. 

Archive: Yes to MKRA/MSSS 

Rating: NC-17 for explicit sex and strong language. No physical violence. 

* * *

**The Boss: Lost, but Found**  
by Grey  
[Grey853@aol.com](mailto:Grey853@aol.com?subject=Lost,%20But%20Found)

* * *

Walter Skinner closed the door quietly behind him and stood relieved that Agent Scully would indeed recover. The miracle astounded him, but not as much as the miracle of seeing his lover alive and leaning back against the wall outside his partner's room with his eyes squeezed shut. Mulder was truly alive. Regardless, the sorry son of a bitch had a lot to answer for. 

"Mulder?" 

Swollen, red-rimmed eyes opened to meet Skinner's concerned stare. "Yeah?" 

"You okay?" 

"I'm alive." 

"Yeah. How about that." The two studied each other intensely for a few more moments before Skinner continued. "Scully's busy with family for awhile longer. Let's get you home before you pass out." 

Mulder hesitated. "I really wanted to see her before I left." 

"You can see her again tomorrow. She has a future now." With a stronger emphasis, but a lower tone he persisted, "She asked me to take you home, Mulder. She's worried about you." 

"She's worried about me?" Mulder leaned forward and then stretched up, the bones popping slightly in his back. "Sounds like Scully." 

"She's not the only one worried, Mulder. We need to talk." 

Mulder avoided looking at his boss for a few more minutes. Then he spoke very quietly. "I know, Walter. I know. Just give me a little time. I'm really tired." 

"Time? Sure, Mulder. Thank god we still have some time." 

The steely quality of his lover's voice wasn't lost on the young agent. "I know you're still angry. I promise we'll talk. Right now I'm just too tired to think straight." 

"I understand that. Let's go. I'll drive you home." 

"I've got a car." 

"I don't care. You're not fit to drive right now. Too much has happened. Frankly, I don't trust you behind the wheel tonight." 

Mulder studied the dour expression on Skinner's face. He hated the fact that he was mostly the reason for the extreme fatigue he saw there. He wanted to grab the man and hold him. More than that, he wanted Walter to caress him in return. He knew that wouldn't happen here in the hallway for the world to see. He worried most that it might never happen again. "Let's go, Walter. But don't take me back to my apartment. I want to go to your place. I don't want to be alone yet." 

"Do you really think I'd leave you alone right now? You really are tired. Come on. Get up and let's get out of here." 

Mulder stood slowly and slipped the blood-stained picture of himself and Samantha into his pants pocket. Walter had surprised him by bringing it from the crime scene of the smoking man's apartment. He shook his head slightly to clear the confusion he felt. There was so much to sort through, he didn't even know where to begin. Then he straightened and looked directly into the dark eyes that studied him. He realized that he did indeed know where to begin. More than anything, he had to get right with Walter. "Come on, sir. Let's get the hell out of this place." 

* * *

Later, Skinner unlocked the door to his apartment. The two men entered silently and remained quiet a while longer once inside. Finally, Walter said, "Why don't you go take a shower? I've got some fresh sweats you can put on. Then you need to sleep. We'll talk about all this later." 

Mulder reached out, gently touching the shoulder of the AD. "Walter, I'm sorry. Please, don't be so upset. I'm okay." 

"Well, I'm not." Skinner shrugged off the hand and turned to stare directly into Mulder's face. He'd wanted to contain himself, control his anger, but he found himself roaring anyway. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? For god's sake, Mulder, I thought you were dead." A terrible pain dripped from his words and Mulder shrank back. 

He turned away and dropped his eyes to gaze helplessly at the floor. "Jesus, Walter. Don't even look at me anymore. You should hate me for what I've done. I should go." 

"Hate you? Are you so totally fucked up that you'd think I could ever hate you? I love you more than my own breath, but you make me so fucking mad I can't even see reason sometimes." 

"I'm sorry, Walter. I need you, but I'll understand if you can't forgive me. I can't forgive myself. I'm such a worthless shit." A frail voice barely managed the feeble words. 

All the puff and rage evaporated from Skinner's body. Suddenly he took Mulder by the shoulders and pulled him close. The man's despair gripped his heart and tried to strangle away the hope. Mulder let his head rest on the older man's shoulder and floated in silky warmth as Walter began to gently stroke his hair. "My god, Mulder. You're my very soul. You make my heart ache listening to you talk like that." 

They stood holding one another for a moment longer. Walter realized that Mulder's body trembled in his arms. Softly he whispered while he continued his soothing rubs. "Come on, lover. It's going to be okay. I want you to go upstairs, take a shower, and freshen up. I'll fix you something warm to eat. You can sleep and then we'll talk." 

Mulder looked up into Walter's face, his hazel eyes misted. "You forgive me?" 

"I'd forgive you anything, Mulder. Haven't you figured that out by now? Haven't you figured out how much I love you? It matters to me what you do, but no matter what it is, I will always love you." 

"Jesus, Walter. I'll never understand you., but I love you, too." 

A slight smile graced his face as Walter leaned forward and kissed Mulder gently on his forehead. Then he slipped his mouth further down to brush against pouty lips. Mulder tasted of dusky smoke, of peppermint gum, and bittersweet memories laced in foggy thoughts. "I never doubted it. Now, go on. Get cleaned up." 

Mulder hesitated. "I will, but first I have to tell you something." 

"It can't wait?" 

"I don't think so. I haven't had a chance to tell you what really happened. I need to tell you this before I lose my nerve. There's no way I can sleep until I do." 

Worry branded Skinner's already tired features. He shrugged off his coat and settled down on the sofa. "Okay, Mulder. Tell me what you have to say. I'm listening." 

Nervously Mulder paced as if preparing to present a play. "First, you have to understand, Walter. That night I was devastated. I mean, Scully actually acted like she believed I was responsible for her cancer. I know I always believed it, but as long as she never said it, I thought I was safe. Now here she was right in front of me telling me that she'd been given this disease, this awful death sentence, to make me believe. I couldn't handle that." 

Walter kept his mouth shut knowing that Mulder needed to confess. He continued to listen, his heart aching from the knowledge of his lover's pain. 

"You never saw the surveillance shots of that night because I took them after I shot the guy who had been watching me. Imagine it, Walter. Here I was crying like a baby with a gun to my head, and this guy was getting it all on tape. It was humiliating." 

Light narrowed. His breathing momentarily stopped. The whole world became deaf. Slowly reality poked at his skin, nudging him to speak. "Say that again, Mulder." 

Mulder stopped his frantic pacing and stood absolutely still as if he only then realized what he'd admitted. A jolt of terror flashed and sizzled his tongue. He wanted to suck the words back from open space. 

Trying to keep his voice steady and his body calm, he repeated slowly, "I said, say that again about the gun to your head." 

"Why? I think you know what I said." 

"Shit. Are you actually telling me that blowing your head off was the original plan?" 

"Yeah, Walter, I guess I am. If I hadn't gotten the call warning me that I was being watched, I might even have gone through with it." 

"Son of a bitch." Icy fog traced trails of fear through his gut. 

Mulder let his body sag down in a chair. "I know. Looking back, I'm not sure how I got to that point. It all seems so unreal now, and yet, it was very real at the time." 

"You mean to tell me that you actually were going to kill yourself?" 

"I didn't know what else to do, Walter. You were still pissed about the Goldstein thing and were threatening to mandate counseling." 

"Silly me. You let the man drill fucking holes in your head for crissakes, not just once, but twice." The anger in his voice cut the air like crystal shards against a baby's newborn flesh. 

"I know that, Walter, and at that point I was willing to do it again. I was willing to do anything to relieve some of the unbearable pain, to find out what really happened to my sister." 

For a moment Mulder's voice thickened and choked. He couldn't even deal with that part yet, not yet. A spike of anguish pierced his mind with the memory of seeing and losing his sister in just one night. Pushing it away like a thorny bush, he dragged one hand across his face. 

Then he continued, speaking in a raspy whisper. "Scully blamed me, or I thought she did. More importantly I blamed myself. I thought I'd lost you forever. Scully was going to die and you were so angry. I was alone again. I'd lost you. Then, I lost myself, Walter." 

A tear streaked down Walter Skinner's face. He hadn't even cried when he'd first heard that Mulder was dead. He hadn't let himself believe it was true except for a brief instant. He'd kept himself busy disproving it, hammering the nails of evidence into the foundation of belief that would support him until he found Mulder alive. Now, sitting here with the dejected figure before him, he couldn't stop himself. Slowly, he stood and walked over to stand beside his lover. He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Mulder, are you lost now?" 

Keeping his head lowered, he whispered, "I would be if you couldn't forgive me." 

"Mulder, I've forgiven you. I told you I love you. If I have to tell you that every five minutes for the rest of your life to make you believe it, I will. Now, the question is can you forgive yourself?" 

"I don't know how to do that. I don't even know where to begin." 

"Mulder, come upstairs with me. I want to show you where to start." 

Tears flowed freely down his face as Mulder managed to stand. "Okay." 

Taking his hand, Walter led the way to his bed. By its edge he stopped and started to slowly remove Mulder's tie and shirt. Meanwhile, his young lover did the same for him. Strong palms placed themselves against Mulder's bare chest, and he took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. A wet tongue lapped at his left nipple right over his heart. "Walter, it's been so long." 

"I know, babe. I know. Let me get you out of those pants and into the bed." He stripped Mulder down quickly, turned him, and then pushed him back across the quilted covers. 

Naked Mulder lay there drinking in the rich masculine lines of his boss. He longed for the muscles of his chest to press against his own. "Walter, please. I need to be with you." 

"I'm not going anywhere, Mulder. No matter how many times you push me away, no matter what you do, you belong to me. We belong to each other. All the other problems, we'll figure out together." 

"I need you to show me how much you forgive me." 

Stripped of his own clothes, Skinner reached out and spread Mulder's long legs. Kneeling between them, he leaned forward and kissed the tip of his cock. "Oh, Jesus." 

"No, Mulder. It's Walter. It'll always be Walter." He took the young man's cock in his large hand and then licked it again. It grew and thickened at his touch. Pre-cum flowed and the tang of arousal filled the AD's throat. Moans of pleasure spurred him on. With his free hand, he cradled the balls already tight from excitement. He brushed his bristled face against the tender skin of inner thigh. 

Suddenly, Mulder put his hand on Walter's head and huskily pleaded, "Stop, Walter. Please, I need you to stop a minute." 

"Stop?" 

"I want you in me. You keep doing that, and I'm going to be gone in no time." 

Smiling with understanding, Walter gave one final quick flick of his tongue. "Your wish, Mulder. Move back on the bed." While Mulder repositioned himself, Walter reached for the lube and the condom. Then he hesitated for a moment before he asked, "Are you sure about this, Mulder? I mean, we don't have to this right now. We can wait until you're rested." 

"Walter, if you don't do it now, I'll never forgive you." 

"Never let it be said, I didn't let you have your way." 

He crawled back on the bed, this time straddling the long, limber legs of his lover. Stroking gently up his torso, he leaned forward for another kiss. Mulder could taste himself on Walter's lips and groaned. "Oh, come on, Walter. Please, don't make me beg." 

"Okay, begging can come later, but don't be so impatient. We've got a lifetime, Mulder." 

"I want to believe that, Walter, but right now my brain is mush. I want you inside me, to show me that no matter what, I can please you." 

"My god, Mulder. You please me by breathing." Skinner coated his hand with lube and he shifted himself so he could reach between Mulder's legs. "Lift up a little." 

Mulder brought his legs up and clenched his eyes shut as he relished the sensation of the finger that entered him. It moved in and out while a second hand stroked the inside of his calves and then moved up to his cock. A mouth sucked at his navel and he couldn't keep himself from the rhythmic moving. A second finger pushed in and touched his prostate. Fire ripped through his tight belly and lights flashed behind his lids. "Walter, you'd better hurry, or it's going to be wasted." 

"Nothing's wasted, Mulder." Despite his calm tone, Skinner flushed with his own excitement and quickly pushed in a third finger. "Are you ready, Mulder?" 

"Let me turn over, Walter. I need to be on my stomach." 

"I want to see your face, babe." 

"I know, but, please, for now, I really need to turn over." 

Walter knew from previous encounters that Mulder's orgasm would be even stronger on his stomach. Praying that mere stars would be novas for his hungry lover, he purred, "Okay, over easy then." 

Mulder shifted and then raised his ass up further. Walter put on his condom and positioned himself thigh to thigh, his thick cock at the entrance. "Let me know if I go too fast. I never want to hurt you." 

"I've told you before, I don't mind if it hurts. Sometimes I even need to hurt." 

"I know, but I won't hurt you, Mulder. Never on purpose. Never." 

"Come on, Walter. Do it. Do it hard." 

Carefully, he pushed in and despite the earlier preparations, resistance pushed back. He draped himself across his lover's back and eased in with more pressure. Mulder's breathing became ragged and uneven as he moaned with pleasure. Sweat glistened on his back and Walter licked the saltiness of Mulder's neck. His whole back arched and Walter buried himself to the hilt. Trembling began and Mulder barely managed to groan, "Move, Walter. You're killing me here." 

Without further instruction, Skinner began short even strokes that began to build in intensity. Braced and supported by Walter's strength, Mulder's whole body moved in rhythm with the motion he'd set. Walter's hand snaked around and wrapped around the Mulder's cock. Both bodies reared up together, Walter gripping tightly the tense, muscled torso as it bucked in frustration. He continued pumping his cock in and out and finally Mulder's whole body jerked out of control in his arms. Semen spurted over his hand and mighty ass muscles clenched around his cock. Spasms claimed him and he thought his heart would stop. Breathing certainly did. 

Still clutching Mulder in his arms, he let the sparkling lights subside and lowered himself and his lover back to the bed. He rolled them both on their sides and just lay there while the trembling slowed. Breathing began again slowly. 

At first Walter thought the wetness on arm must have been sweat, but then he felt the shaking begin and heard the muffled sound of a quiet sob. Tears soaked his skin and he let his young, troubled friend cry into the comfort of his embrace. Lovingly, he stroked and petted Mulder's hair and held him as tightly as he could. 

After a few minutes, the crying lessened. A soft voice said, "Thank you, Walter." 

Walter Skinner reached down to pull a blanket over the two still entwined forms. "I love you, Mulder. Just rest now. I've got you. You're safe." 

"Not lost?" 

"No, Mulder. Not lost, not ever again." 

* * *

The End of THE BOSS: Lost, but Found 


End file.
